A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.: It's ok to be an abuse survivor.

A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.: It's ok to be an abuse survivor.: "I have heard it said that 'if you want to destroy an adult, then abuse them as a child'. It can happen for sure, the pain and physiologica..."

The photo tells a story, I had to lose it!!

I have to say I was at my biggest and would say still, well and firmly gripped by Post Natal depression in this photo. I was trying hard and a made sure I had fun with my lovely son, In Autumn we would hunt for and collect leaves to make big collages at home, we always had fun kicking piles of leaves. Would you believe it I'm 36 year old woman now and I still do it, even when I'm alone, got to be a kid sometimes.) I took him out every day, parks, shops , carrying him in a sling until he was 2 and half, I breast fed him for that long too.

I threw myself totally into motherhood, I gave my whole self to his upbringing, we knew so much baby sign language, from when he he was 6 months to 9 months we learnt 23 baby signs! He continues to grow, first word at 9 months, second word at 11 months which was hoover!! lol

But the weight thing bothered me, not enough though do to something serious about it, my self esteem was quite low.

The summer came and I felt a little brighter and even went from a size 18 to a 16, which gave me a boost. I suppose I started to feel a little attractive then.

Life is interrupted by major surgery, another blog post to follow..x

It's ok to be an abuse survivor.

I have heard it said that 'if you want to destroy an adult, then abuse them as a child'. It can happen for sure, the pain and physiological damage can be all consuming. But it CAN be different it CAN be better. We all have the capacity to grow and to change as individuals. Life will go on and we can survive. The strongest most stoical people I know are survivors like me, we have to become that way.

I once thought I would never recover from my past, never see a normal life, never have kids or well, become somebody. With my teenage years spent self harming and on a path of complete self destruction, those were hard days.

Cognitive behavioural therapy helped so much, four years of dredging up the past, reliving some of the most painful memories that no 6 year old child should have to endure. I came out the other side reborn, stronger and able to analyse myself and cope with challenging situations. I know things will never be totally perfect, I will always be a worrier. If things are going well then something bad is bound to happen right? An echo from my abusive past. Life is never perfect, of course things go wrong, it's just about dealing with them in the right way. If there is a problem in your life, we all have the ability to change it if we try. Sometimes we need help that is ok. Talk, talk and talk some more, don't be afraid, if you feeling sad or worried share those feelings don't let them bottle up inside you.

No one can take away my past but my future is in my own hands now
.http://www.napac.org.uk/